I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
