I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
a search helicopter?!
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
