hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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