I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
