look no pants
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
