You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
