that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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