He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
