if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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