going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
