Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
