I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
BRING THE BAGELS
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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