Just cropdusted the office
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
