like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
