And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
