LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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