my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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