Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
