woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
