I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
