the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
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