Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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