I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
