this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
