It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
