meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
