K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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