i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
