ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
