I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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