He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
