I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
