in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
PANTIES FOUND
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