She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
