Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
