yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
