Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
