I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
