forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
only if we run a train.
done.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
