Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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