Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
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