On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
