i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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