Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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