i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
