garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
