look no pants
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I think a kid would responsible me up
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
