And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
