Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
someone owes me an orgasm
ugly people sure do ruin things
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
