Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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