that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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